weddingsv make me drug and hornr
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
