I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize