you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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