We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
