I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
