I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
