im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
