You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
