I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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