Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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