aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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