Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
