that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
