actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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