Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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