Betty ford says i'm here all night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
