i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
