The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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