cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
