I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
