My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
YAS. BRING CRAB.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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