Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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