In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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