I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
