I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
