Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My bed smells like the plague
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
