I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
