Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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