I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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