upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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