I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize