If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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