tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
