This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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