Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
