Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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