Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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