Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
