hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
