His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
