My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
