did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
