it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
