you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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