life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
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Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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