I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
