I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
