pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
