How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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