Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
