just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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