that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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