I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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