Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
