that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
