Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
