shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Randomize
