Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
