Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
