so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
