The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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