I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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