Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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