WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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