Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
