I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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