Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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