Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
