you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
