So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
