Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
