i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
