Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities