Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Randomize
Follow @tfln