thus making me awesome and them whores
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina