If that was your dad, he is hot
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.