Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.