i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
