Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
