does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
