Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
