you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
