and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
