I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my nose is crying tears of wow.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
