Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You've changed since you got that strap on
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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