So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
