my mouth tastes like poor choices
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
