so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
