jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
