My first STD was from a foam party
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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